so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
