I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
