having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
