i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
