i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize