he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
