Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
