So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
