You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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