And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
