I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
