You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's always time for handjobs
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
