is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
