kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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