He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
