its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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