I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
