Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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