I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
