So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
