another moral hangover. fuck.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
