This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
