Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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