He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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