That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
