and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
