I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
