white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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