She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
