My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
either way he was missing a nipple.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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