this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
