at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize