Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
