i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
