I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
