I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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