dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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