Can i not drive my cunt home
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize