I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize