While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
