At least make sure they are 18
Why
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My cat gives me a boner
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
