Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
