ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
