How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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