You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
