We're facebook friends in real life
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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