Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
