I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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