Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
