my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize