i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
