Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize