Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
