At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
