Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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