i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
