I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
