Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
