I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
