I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
