i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
