she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
