i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
