she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
