I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
