I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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