i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
