yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
